Behavior vs Punishment: My Parenting Philosophy

 

Though there are many disagreements on how often to punish our children, it’s hard to argue that punishment isn’t a type of discipline. Punishment often comes with a consequence that could be something bad like a time-out, grounding, or even spanking, or it could be something positive like giving the child a treat or privilege. The effectiveness of the punishment depends on the parent and their relationship with the child. In this article, I will tell you about the theory of behavior vs punishment.  

Behavior vs Punishment

Read more - Family relationships are affected by smartphones

My philosophy towards parenting is quite simple, yet I cannot recall anyone else articulating it quite as clearly as I have. Beginning with my parenting, I remain firm in my belief that the best way to discipline a child is through the use of negative reinforcement and positive reinforcement.

 

Why does punishment not work? It does, but it only works in the short term. Take, for example, a child that throws a fit to get her way. A parent has two options: 1) punish the kid for throwing a fit (take away toys/TV time) or 2) teach the kid how to communicate effectively so that they can use words to get what they want.

 

Positive reinforcement and setting expectations for children’s behavior

 

There is a lot of debate out there about the best way to discipline children. Some people swear by punishment, while others believe in positive reinforcement. I tend to fall into the latter category. I believe that setting expectations for children’s behavior and rewards for good behavior are more effective than punishment. When children know what is expected of them and they are given praise for meeting those expectations, they are more likely to continue behaving in the desired manner. Punishment can be an effective tool occasionally, but I think it should be used sparingly and only as a last resort.

 

Punishment or using negative reinforcement to try to change behavior

 

When it comes to raising children, I believe that positive reinforcement is the way to go. With punishment, you are essentially teaching your child that they are bad and that they need to be punished in order for them to behave. This can lead to a host of problems down the road, including issues with self-esteem and behaving appropriately in different situations. Instead, by using positive reinforcement, you can teach your child what behavior is acceptable and help them learn how to modify their behavior if necessary.

 

Punishment only serves to escalate the issues at hand and does nothing to teach children how we expect them to behave.

 

There's a lot of debate surrounding the best way to discipline children, with some people believing that punishment is necessary, while others believe that it only serves to escalate the issues at hand. I tend to agree with the latter group - punishment does nothing to teach children how we expect them to behave. Instead, it simply reinforces negative behavior and can even make children resentful towards their parents or guardians. If we want our children to learn how to behave in a certain way, then we need to model that behavior ourselves and provide positive reinforcement when they do something correctly.

Is punishment an effective way to change the behavior of a child?

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.” ~ Stacia Tauscher

 

To punish or to not punish – the question that needs an answer

 

In today's environment, with strong emotions and ideals associated with punishment, the word "punishment" has a negative connotation. However, talking about punishment is just as crucial. To us, the term "punishment" refers to the time-honored, conventional approach that has been used for generations. However, I believe that today we should refer to it as behavioral psychology rather than punishment.

 

Punishment and behavioural psychology share many similarities but differ in important ways that affect how children are taught, raised, and treated.

 

What is punishment?

Punishment happens when someone in power tries to impose their authority on another person as retribution for some wrongdoing. Historically, it has been done to people as a punishment for their transgressions. These traditional punishment methods do not help change the behavior of children or adults.

What is behavioural psychology?

 

After extensive research, psychologists have discovered a clear and straightforward method to ensure that penalties are administered in a way that would help modify the child's behavior. The term "behavioural psychology" is used to describe these contemporary behavioural sanctions. According to the study, punishment should be meted out or given to the behavior rather than the child.

 

Due to their many similarities, both terms frequently confuse the public. Both involve the child experiencing unfavourable outcomes or unhappy experiences. And occasionally, the traditional methods of discipline also have an impact on how we influence a child's conduct. It is simple to think that a child's pattern and behavior will alter by using the proper form of punishment.

 

When we successfully discipline a child, we begin to believe that we have done so by punishing the behavior rather than the person. There are instances when we see and realize that the consequences have no impact, but we continue to be adamant that we have changed the child. But the reality is that even if the child perceives punishment, this does not necessarily indicate that the behavior has changed because of your efforts.

 

How exactly can we punish the behavior rather than punishing the child?

 

The first thing to do is to dispel the misconception or false belief that punishing a child will modify their behavior in general. Instead, we should come up with original strategies and methods to correct and punish the child's behavior.

 

The critical thing to remember is that punishment for misbehaving occurs naturally in this situation; adult intervention is not required. Second, any action or error committed by the child should have logical repercussions, even if punishment is necessary. Last but not least, the penalties should not be severe; instead, they should be moderate, giving the impression of punishment but not truly being one.

 

Here's an example to clarify the point: Your child is insistent on trying out the new bicycle despite knowing that doing so could result in injury. They continue to ride their bike despite your objections, fall off, and ultimately injure themselves. If we were to follow conventional wisdom, any parent would strive to correct their child for not listening to them as soon as possible.

 

However, behavioural psychology suggests that rather than reprimanding a child for getting wounded, a parent should approach them and make them feel comfortable rather than scolding them. The child would have discovered on their own from this occurrence that riding a bicycle on anything other than a flat surface will end in injury. There was no need for punishment in this situation, and the child self-corrected without assistance from an adult.

 

When a child makes such an error, it is always best to let them learn through natural means. In such situations, there shouldn't be any need for punishment or even parental intervention. The youngster is learning to investigate their world and make judgments about what is proper and wrong during this process.

 

Advice: Watch out that your youngster doesn't sustain any significant injuries, even when parental assistance is not required.

 

Applying rational consequences to the child's error follows next. Essentially, this aids in focusing on a child's behavior rather than the child’s. This is employed when a child is unable to learn through natural means (like playing on the streets full of cars). Here, a parent cannot teach their child by causing harm to them with an automobile. Other events may occur when the youngster is unaware of the potential consequences of their behavior on other people.

 

Let's use the example of the kid who always comes home from playtime late. If the youngster is late getting home, everything else after that will also be delayed, including eating, studying, finishing homework, and getting enough rest for the next day. What exactly can a parent do instead of reprimanding the child? They have the right to forbid the child from playing outside.

 

When you decline to do something one day, the youngster will feel bored at home and automatically make sure to return home on time the following day. You can do this for a few days to check if the kid gets it before letting them go outside and play. Make sure it isn't in place for too long, or it can appear to be a punishment.

 

If none of those methods mentioned above is successful, you can also try extremely moderate punishments on the children; be careful that it doesn't appear or sound like a punishment. If they haven't accomplished their schoolwork by the deadline, they will have to clean the room after dinner. Instead of making kids feel punished, these minor consequences help them feel accountable.

 

Hard punishments can have severe side effects on a child’s behavior, some of them could be:

 

·      Lying

·      Lack of responsibility

·      Trust issues with adults

·      Lack of empathy

·      Resentment and anger

·      Rebellious nature

·      Emotional problems

·      Poor self-image

·      Loss of confidence and motivation

·      Impulsive behavior

 

It is our duty and responsibility as adults and parents to correct behavior rather than punish it to improve children's behavior. It can be crucial for adults to consider the problem from a child's perspective before suggesting any corrective steps.