Does conflict strengthen relationships

Conflicts are necessary for healthy relationships

Have you ever found yourself arguing or fighting with the person you care about and love the most? Maybe that is the case virtually always. Let me use my own marriage of ten years as an example. There have been several situations when my partner and I have battled. He is the one who has to put up with all of my outbursts, mood swings, and ups and downs in life, so I feel awful after every dispute. After every argument or disagreement, I have seen some tension around us, but one thing that we have both realized is the importance of disagreement in agreement.

Keep in mind that if disagreements are causing your relationship to crumble, it's time for you and your spouse to introduce more optimism into your lives.

According to several studies and research on relationships and communication, conflict is a crucial component of a close relationship. It is an inevitable aspect of being in a relationship, and studies have shown that it is a positive indicator. Whatever label you choose to call it, conflicts, disputes, arguments, or disagreements may really bring two people closer together—but only if they are handled in a healthy way. Contrarily, unhealthy disagreements can cause spouses to become estranged, alienated, and dissatisfied with one another.

 

Common reasons why conflicts occur

Why does a disagreement ever exist in the first place? Well, when two individuals talk and discuss a situation, there are two different perspectives on the situation. Positively charged relationships accept one another's points of view and divergent viewpoints and finally arrive at a resolution or result. People who are already in disagreement tend to try to impose their viewpoints on the other person, which just leads to additional disputes. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, the majority of arguments cannot be resolved, but if individuals want to strengthen their relationship, they must apologize and find a middle ground.

 

Conflict in relationships: Is it healthy?

Arguments or disputes that occur on a regular basis can be constructive if they are handled appropriately. How a problem is resolved is what counts most. Couples feel more connected in a good relationship when they listen to each other's viewpoints and correct the issue as necessary. When a couple is in a healthy relationship, they are kind and patient with one another and use "I" and "We" more often than "You" to address issues.    

 

Conversations get unhealthy when there is more negativity present than optimism. An argument or disagreement is not considered healthy when partners try to place the blame and begin to focus on the smallest of the concerns each time. Couples or individuals who fall into this category should work towards resolving and repairing their relationship before it gets too late to be fixed. A few strategies that might be helpful in this circumstance include communicating better with one another, couple counselling, and spending more time together.

 

How can a conflict bring people together?

Imagine yourself and your partner living a happy, peaceful life without any arguments or fights. Do you believe that to be plausible? Do you believe you would genuinely like it, even if the idea appeals to you? My sincere response is that no one would. It is certain that the relationship won't endure long if you act false in it. Conflicts, disputes, disagreements, and arguments are necessary and beneficial for a partnership. The most important feature of every relationship is how it forces us to see things from the other person's perspective and see exactly where we are mistaken.

 

Think of conflict as an opportunity to learn something new. Something that can ease your relationship's tension and take it to the next level. Conflicts bring us closer together in terms of partner safety. The security of knowing that, despite arguments and fights, our spouse will always be there for us and will support us through thick and thin.

 

So how can you have constructive talk after a furious argument?

Well, there is no one way of dealing with a conflict, and no one way is the right way. Every person will have a distinct and different way of handling their anger and disputes. However, we've still provided a few suggestions that may be able to help you:

 

§  Be assertive – Rather than being aggressive in communication, be assertive. When you discuss a matter with your partner, it is not about letting the other person down; rather, it is about making them understand your needs and expectations. The best way to do it is by being assertive and playing your cards.

 

§  Paying attention to the other person – Most importantly, pay attention to the other person, which can be difficult during tense conversations. Our spouse constantly shows us symptoms of discomfort or discontent when we are having a quarrel. That is what we need to be on the lookout for; at that point, attempt to calm the conversation if you feel the issue is getting out of hand.

 

§  Always place the emphasis on "I" or "We" rather than "You" - It is natural for people to place the blame for disagreements on the other party. Any conflict between partners in a relationship must be shared evenly; no one should bear the blame. If one partner stops using "you" and treats the issue as a couple's issue, the disagreement will lead to a constructive dialogue.

 

§  The focus should be on the issue and not the partner – Imagine how you would feel if your spouse spent the whole conversation pointing out how you were wrong while omitting to mention what went wrong. Bad, yes. It's true that nobody likes being the focus of attention, especially in a bad situation. Better concentrate on the problem if you don't want your conflict to escalate into physical fighting.

 

§  Self-Soothe – I recall reading somewhere that you should mentally count to ten anytime you feel irritated. Trust me, it's fantastic. The hardest struggle in the world may be won with self-soothing, and before you know it, the conflict is finished. No one in this room is advising you to ignore them; instead, they are urging you to wait to act or reply. Allow the other person to vent. Perhaps they were having a difficult day, so it's not entirely your fault. When the situation has calmed down, discuss with them appropriate communication and sharing techniques.

 

§  Take responsibility for your actions – Although it may be difficult, taking responsibility for your actions is a great approach to mend the nets that have been broken. Sorry is the most beautiful five-letter word ever created, despite its seeming diminutive size.

 

To sum up, we can only say that it is simple to end a relationship and only focus on the problematic aspects, but that it is challenging to comprehend your spouse and get them to see things from your perspective. Not all conflicts may be constructive, and not all conflicts need to be a combat.

 

Consider it and the next time, when things are a mess, try not to act as if you know the person and instead act as if you are meeting them for the first time. I promise that things will be different.